New beginnings don’t always feel like a clean slate. For many young people in workforce programs, a “fresh start” comes with a mix of hope, anxiety, self-doubt, and pressure. Sitting down for a career assessment or first coaching session can surface questions like: What if I fail again? What if I’m not cut out for this? What if this is my last chance?
In these moments, what often matters most isn’t having the perfect resource or the right next step. It’s how the adult in front of them responds to their feelings.
Most of us were never really taught how to respond when someone shares something hard. We worry about saying the “wrong” thing. We might feel personally triggered, uncomfortable with silence, distracted by our own workload, or afraid of opening a “Pandora's box” we don’t know how to close. So we reach for what we’ve seen modeled: trying to fix it, cheer someone up, or move on quickly.
The research on empathy tells a different story. When someone feels genuinely heard, it helps lower their anxiety, strengthens connection, and gives us more accurate information about what they’re going through. It can even make it more likely that they will make a change or follow through. That’s especially important when we’re trying to support young people in making big decisions about school, training, or work.
Drawing from one of our most popular trainings on active listening, here are some things we recommend:
There are a few common responses that don’t help, even when they’re well-intentioned:
● Minimizing: “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
● Silver lining: “Well, at least you have a job.”
● Contradicting: “But I thought you said you liked that program.”
● Jumping into solutions: “What you need to do is…”
● Taking over immediately: calling someone, filling out forms, or making decisions for them right away.
These approaches can leave a young person feeling dismissed, misunderstood, or like there isn’t room for their real feelings in your program.
Active listening offers an alternative that is both simple and powerful. Some core practices:
● Silence. A brief pause after someone shares can feel uncomfortable to us, but it often gives them space to keep going. Silence can say, “I’m here. I’m listening.”
● Short responses. Small verbal cues—“mm-hmm,” “okay,” “I see”—let someone know you’re with them without steering the conversation.
● Showing care through small actions. Offering water, tissues, or just shifting your body to face them can signal that this moment matters.
● Reflective listening. Repeat back a key phrase in your own words: Young person: “He told me I’d never make it in that field.” You: “He told you you’d never make it—and that really stuck with you.”
● Openers. Phrases like “Tell me more,” or “Is there anything else you want to share?” invite deeper honesty.
● Empathetic statements. Try: “It sounds like you’re feeling really discouraged,” or “It makes sense you’d feel overwhelmed right now.”
● Clarification. “Let me see if I’ve got this right…” followed by your summary gives them a chance to correct or add details.
The key reminder: 99% of the time, there will be space later to problem-solve, make referrals, or map out next steps. In the first moments—especially in this season of new beginnings—what young people most need is to feel that their emotions are welcome, not an obstacle.
When young people feel truly heard, they’re more able to imagine new possibilities—and to take real, supported steps toward them.
